Mom

I just spent 6 weeks with my mother- she has colon cancer, stage 4. It was really nice spending so much time with her. It's so interesting to see how she is taking the end of her days. She is actually very happy and talks a lot about memories of when I was growing up. I decided to come home for a few weeks to have a break and take care of some business. The day before I left I was quite emotional and sad thinking this could be the last time I see her. I love my mother. I remembered 2 interesting things from my childhood. The first day of kindergarten, when she got out of the car I locked the doors and refused to get out. The second day I was kicking and screaming and pulled the nun's habit off- I didn't want to leave my mother. I've been having those same type feelings again. The other thing that came to mind was the day my grandfather died- I was in second grade. All that day at school I knew he would die and I kept thinking I'm not going to cry, I'm going to be strong for my mom. When we got home we found out he had indeed died and I didn't cry. Then my bitch sister said I must not have loved him because I wasn't crying and then I cried. So I was thinking the same thing again- I don't want to cry and upset her when I say goodbye. I didn't. We hugged and said i love you and I left. I was quite calm. Later I thought, wow!Because of the love I have for my mom I was able to go to a place of peace. While I was there we talked about her dying, what she wants me to do with her ashes, the fact that she's had a good life and is ready to move on. There was really no sadness at all, just happy to be hanging out.She is on medication that keeps her from any pain. She sleeps a lot. She is still so beautiful, even at 82. She has been a good mother and when she dies I will miss her everyday for the rest of my life.