LIFE/DEATH

Its midnight and I can't sleep. my heart is beating so fast that its keeping me awake- either that or the fear of dying, or both. My new Doc told me today I still have this Atrial Flutter which is causing my heart rate to be 135 beats a minute as opposed to 72 beats a minute. Its scary because I can feel it- the flutter and the rapid heart beat. He is going to try and treat it with meds and if that doesn't work I'll have to go back into the hospital for another procedure. This one doesn't sound nearly as bad, but they'll still have to go up into my heart- again. FUCK! It just freaks me out. I have wonderful, supportive friends but when it comes right down to it you're alone- someone said we all die alone and I suppose thats true. I feel like I'm fighting the most important battle of my life and it is really hard as hell- but I'm determined to win because there are things I still want to do, need to do. This Doctor told me he feels that alot of this is genetic and of course from smoking. Thank god I finally quit smoking and that I never had kids so I haven't passed this on!